Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Colossians 4:4, NIV
When Paul wrote these words, he was in prison. He’d been jailed for preaching about Christ. Still, he was asking other Christians to pray for him, to pray not only that he would be released from prison, but that he would be released from prison in order to continue preaching the gospel.
Wow. How many of us would do that?
In all honesty, I don’t know if I would. I’d love to say yes. I’d love to say that it doesn’t matter what satan throws my way, I will not be silent. I will share the love of Christ in face of any and all adversity, even from a prison cell.
But does the life I have lived up to this point prove that?
For years, I kept silent when I knew that I was being called to write. Even now, when my fingers itch to type out stories of God’s love—both true stories from my life and imagined stories from the lives of characters I’ve created—my mind shuts down. I don’t know that “shuts down” is really the right way to describe it. There are so many ideas floating around in my head that I don’t know how I will ever get them all down on paper. Oh how I would love to spend a day doing nothing but getting these ideas out of my head! Then I could start crafting them into something meaningful, something that just might be useful to someone. But the fear…. That fear is always there, holding me back, keeping me from doing what I want to do, what I am convinced that Christ wants me to do.
I am not sure that it really a fear of failure. That doesn’t seem to really capture it. It’s a fear of being judged. I am scared that I will write something only to hear, “What do you know about it? You’ve never lived that life.”
I’m scared that people will see the words I’ve written and see the life I’ve lived and realize that the two do not always mesh.
I’m not perfect. I know I am not. There are a lot of things in my life that need help. Luckily God is in my life to give me the help I need. I know He loves me and that He is guiding me. Still, though, I have the fear that I am not good enough. It scares me to think that my faith in God may not be enough, not when someone looks at how I live my life.
Does that make any sense at all? In my head it did, but once I see it on the screen in front of me, it seems a bit odd!! I am so glad that God knows my heart.
This morning, I’d like to ask you to please pray for me. Pray that I can stay focused on God and silence the fear within me. Pray that I can use the words God has given me for His glory, to clearly proclaim His love of me and His love of others in every sentence I write.
You know who is reading this post today. Each person is in a different position to serve You and show Your love today. Please give each one the strength, courage, and faith to share You clearly—whether in words or in actions—with everyone they meet today. Help us to claim a little piece of our world for You.
In Jesus’ name, Amen